Under The Wagon

Santa's been pretty damn generous this year...What with my Ma springing for the new Sony VAIO laptop and all...

However, Mom also mailed me two lovingly wrapped presents, so I'd have "something to open on Christmas." I can safely say that she did not expect me to refrain from ripping these things apart at some point well before the 25th, if not the moment I received them.

But I had self control. The desire to unwrap something on the actual day outweighed the urge to find out what was inside NOW.

(Besides, I was pretty sure one of them was just a sweater, or maybe some pajamas. Nothing overly exciting.)

So under my mic stand they went (I at least put Christmas lights on it), where they stayed pretty and pristine for 2 weeks.

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On Tuesday I planned to meet some friends for lunch. I woke early and ran through a mental catalogue of my wardrobe. "Dirty. Dirty. Too cold to wear. Dirty. Might be able to febreeze that, but don't really feel like wearing it..." And so on.

Then I remembered the box that felt like a sweater. Or maybe some pajamas.

I REALLY wanted to wait to open it until Christmas day.

I'm serious. I love Christmas and at this point savoring the surprise seemed really important. Because I wasn't going to be with my family, and this seemed a way to be closer to them, at least for the few moments it took me to untie a big red bow and rip away the green and gold striped paper. I'm not anticipating any gifts to unwrap from my friends, hell, I'm not getting them anything either. We're all pretty poor this year. So I wanted to wait.

But I also really wanted something to wear to lunch.

So...Very carefully...I slid the bow up a little bit...Eased my finger under the seam of the wrapping paper and the scotch tape holding it in place...Peeled back the paper...And cautiously put my hand into the box to pull out the contents...

"If it's NOT a sweater, I'm just gonna shove it back in the box, re-seal the tape, and open it on Christmas."

There's no one to see if I unwrapped it or not. There's no one to know. There's no one to watch me unwrap it ON Christmas morning!

But I knew with all certainty that should this thing that felt like a sweater turn out to be anything other than a sweater...I was gonna put it back in the box, and pretend I'd never looked.

It was a sweater.

A great sweater. Nice color, flattering fit (makes my boobs look HUGE), and it's so goddamn soft it feels like I've swathed myself in baby rabbits.

So I wore the sweater to lunch. I was complimented, I was stroked (seriously, it's like wearing a fucking bunny), I was glowing and looking very expensive.

I guess I failed somewhat, but overall I don't feel too bad. 'Cause it's a really great sweater. And, I'm proud to say, the other present is still sitting bright and beribboned, patiently awaiting a proper opening in two days.

Even though IT feels like a necklace that totally would have matched the sweater.


But I can wait 'til Christmas.

(Definitely no earlier than Christmas Eve)