Sunday, February 20, 2005
The Karla Guide to Female Orgasms (For the Ladies): Hands On!
It’s not easy for women to have orgasms. No matter how sexually liberated you think you are, the simple fact is women are not conditioned to enjoy sex. I’ll be getting into the reasons behind this and how to overcome them in the next chapter, but in the meantime…Baby steps. First things first.
Ladies, today we’re gonna masturbate!
I don’t care if you’ve never done it (I’ve met girls that claim they haven’t. What frightens me? I’m pretty sure they were telling the truth.), or if you rub your pussy like it’s going out of style…Today we’re masturbating with purpose.
Here’s the deal, it’s well known that guys are wired to orgasm from visual and physical stimulation. Put a dirty magazine and a warm, damp sock in front of him, and your boy’ll have a fine time. Women don’t work that way. And that‘s okay. Being different is fine. It’s the (frequently psychotic) differences between the sexes that make life interesting.
Focus: Okay, so we don’t get off on the same things as guys (Are you a girl that likes porn? I’ll get to you later). What do girls find arousing? You know those Harlequin romance novels in the supermarket? With the ripped bodices and heaving bosoms on the cover? That is straight up, hard-core girl porn. You say your mom read that shit? Heh. Guess what she was doing with it. Female stimulation comes from the mind. Things we read, things we remember. Once again, it’s all in the wiring.
So what I want you to do right now is think about what turns you on. That funny, furry feeling in the pit of your stomach, right before your panties start dampening? What causes it? The scene in the movie with that amazing kiss? The way that guy in high school whispered in your ear that one time behind the gym? Hell, think of the pink stuffed bunny you used to rub against when you were 13, crying yourself to sleep because you KNEW God could see you!
Okay, that last one’s just me.
But concentrate on the things that get you hot. It doesn’t matter what. And then I want you to masturbate. I don’t care how. You know what works for you, right? Rubbing, grinding, fingering, or a goddamn cucumber hooked to a car battery. Deep down you KNOW what can get you off. Do it. You like watching porn (yes, some girls do, despite what I said earlier)? Watch some. You love your Venus Butterfly (Christ, I do!)? Flutter away. You like muttering “I just want to get married?” Mutter, my darling, mutter. It doesn’t matter how dirty, how cheap, how “shameful” you think what you’re doing feels…DO IT.
And now, pay attention.
What are you thinking about when you’re masturbating? Keep going, but keep part of your brain open to remember what you’re feeling right now. What are the thoughts going through your mind? Focus on them. The key right now is to recognize WHAT makes you come. While you’re coming. Don’t stress about how much time it takes. Don’t think about anything but making yourself feel fan-fucking-tastic. Relax. Enjoy. Remember.
And…Repeat. Seriously, take a week, where EVERY day you masturbate, and pay attention to what you’re doing. Whether you feel like doing it or not. Keep doing it.
Then go out and have sex.
Have sex. And totally ignore what the guy (or girl) is doing, other than going “Wow, that feels nice.” If it doesn’t feel nice, tell them WHAT feels nice (once again, we’ll go further into this in the next chapter). Think about all the things you concentrated on previously when you were masturbating. IGNORE everything else. Hone in on all those dirty, happy, little thoughts. And once again, don’t overstress yourself. If it doesn’t happen right away, it’s not a big deal. Just remember all the things that make you feel hot and sexy and warm and beautiful. Because when you are coming, you are hot and sexy and warm and beautiful. After that…Combine the physical with the mental. Mix the pushing and licking and touching with those memories of what makes you orgasm. Now that you know what makes you come…Think about THAT while you’re being touched and kissed and humped senseless. You don’t need to think about him (or her). It doesn’t matter what he (or she) is doing. Focus on yourself, what you’re remembering and what you’re feeling. Eventually, it’ll all come together.
Oh boy, will it come.
This is just to get you started. We’ll go into the second part of The Karla Guide to Female Orgasms: For the Ladies soon. But in the meantime…
Masturbate. I’m not shitting around here.
Ladies, today we’re gonna masturbate!
I don’t care if you’ve never done it (I’ve met girls that claim they haven’t. What frightens me? I’m pretty sure they were telling the truth.), or if you rub your pussy like it’s going out of style…Today we’re masturbating with purpose.
Here’s the deal, it’s well known that guys are wired to orgasm from visual and physical stimulation. Put a dirty magazine and a warm, damp sock in front of him, and your boy’ll have a fine time. Women don’t work that way. And that‘s okay. Being different is fine. It’s the (frequently psychotic) differences between the sexes that make life interesting.
Focus: Okay, so we don’t get off on the same things as guys (Are you a girl that likes porn? I’ll get to you later). What do girls find arousing? You know those Harlequin romance novels in the supermarket? With the ripped bodices and heaving bosoms on the cover? That is straight up, hard-core girl porn. You say your mom read that shit? Heh. Guess what she was doing with it. Female stimulation comes from the mind. Things we read, things we remember. Once again, it’s all in the wiring.
So what I want you to do right now is think about what turns you on. That funny, furry feeling in the pit of your stomach, right before your panties start dampening? What causes it? The scene in the movie with that amazing kiss? The way that guy in high school whispered in your ear that one time behind the gym? Hell, think of the pink stuffed bunny you used to rub against when you were 13, crying yourself to sleep because you KNEW God could see you!
Okay, that last one’s just me.
But concentrate on the things that get you hot. It doesn’t matter what. And then I want you to masturbate. I don’t care how. You know what works for you, right? Rubbing, grinding, fingering, or a goddamn cucumber hooked to a car battery. Deep down you KNOW what can get you off. Do it. You like watching porn (yes, some girls do, despite what I said earlier)? Watch some. You love your Venus Butterfly (Christ, I do!)? Flutter away. You like muttering “I just want to get married?” Mutter, my darling, mutter. It doesn’t matter how dirty, how cheap, how “shameful” you think what you’re doing feels…DO IT.
And now, pay attention.
What are you thinking about when you’re masturbating? Keep going, but keep part of your brain open to remember what you’re feeling right now. What are the thoughts going through your mind? Focus on them. The key right now is to recognize WHAT makes you come. While you’re coming. Don’t stress about how much time it takes. Don’t think about anything but making yourself feel fan-fucking-tastic. Relax. Enjoy. Remember.
And…Repeat. Seriously, take a week, where EVERY day you masturbate, and pay attention to what you’re doing. Whether you feel like doing it or not. Keep doing it.
Then go out and have sex.
Have sex. And totally ignore what the guy (or girl) is doing, other than going “Wow, that feels nice.” If it doesn’t feel nice, tell them WHAT feels nice (once again, we’ll go further into this in the next chapter). Think about all the things you concentrated on previously when you were masturbating. IGNORE everything else. Hone in on all those dirty, happy, little thoughts. And once again, don’t overstress yourself. If it doesn’t happen right away, it’s not a big deal. Just remember all the things that make you feel hot and sexy and warm and beautiful. Because when you are coming, you are hot and sexy and warm and beautiful. After that…Combine the physical with the mental. Mix the pushing and licking and touching with those memories of what makes you orgasm. Now that you know what makes you come…Think about THAT while you’re being touched and kissed and humped senseless. You don’t need to think about him (or her). It doesn’t matter what he (or she) is doing. Focus on yourself, what you’re remembering and what you’re feeling. Eventually, it’ll all come together.
Oh boy, will it come.
This is just to get you started. We’ll go into the second part of The Karla Guide to Female Orgasms: For the Ladies soon. But in the meantime…
Masturbate. I’m not shitting around here.
# posted by Karla : 8:21 PM
